Andrew Southall was an Australian painter and writer. But is his account of alcoholism — and the reason I picked it up is because I myself am in recovery, and I am drawn to book that aren't packaged for recovery culture, and instead are brutal and honestly written from inside the experience.

The title matters, “but.” It's a hinge word, a justification word. The deferral world.

It’s structured as a personal reckoning: relationships, work, self-perception, the slow erosion and the rationalisations that accompany it. It's not nice, and you will flinch. Because Southall was an artist, the book leans into observation and interiority rather than moral instruction. 

Late-90s Australian small press memoir. If you are struggling with addiction, just know you're not the only one out there, and however you process and move through the world, you're known, I see you with the kindness you have in you. From one addict in recovery, to another and anyone.